“I am not in any way the senior I wanted to be when I started seminary three years ago, and I’m glad of that.” Explaining this at an orientation Q&A for the new men two weeks ago, I realized the big lesson I’ve learned as a college senior: let go of worldly expectations and experience the joy that comes from that surrender.
As a freshman three years ago, I wanted to be the seminarian that would pray multiple holy hours a day, write books on the spiritual life, run marathons, and read the Summa Theologica cover to cover—it was a long list. Three years on, I haven’t done any of those things—and I’m glad. Why?
One moment stands out in this journey of realization. A month into my freshman year, walking into the library for another late night, a seminarian pulled me aside and gently explained that killing myself through study was not a good way to get through seminary. I remember him actually telling me to put away the books and play more sports. Later on, he invited me to play Frisbee! Moments like this helped me walk away from worldly expectations.
While I haven’t run marathons or read the entire Summa, I’ve grown in maturity. I’ve reached depths in prayer I didn’t think possible. The capacity to leave the cacophony of my own thoughts and the influences of the world has been a gift, allowing me to hear that quiet voice of God speaking from the depths of my heart. And choosing that whisper over the clamor of worldly ambition taught me the joy that’s possible when we abandon ourselves to the will of the Father. As spiritual master Fr. Wilfrid Stinissen writes, “For those who choose God’s will, nothing is ever lost.”
It’s not that I haven’t done great things. On the contrary, I know that I am a greater man by following the will of God rather than the superficial will of my heart. Mortifying my desire to appear perfect has given me great joy.
If you’re trying to follow God’s will, leave your worldly expectations at the door. You won’t regret it.
Mr. Schmidt is a College IV seminarian for the Archdiocese of Baltimore.